Read Part 2 Here
My belief that the Universe was sending me a message sent me searching. It didn't take long before my emotions cooled and more rational thoughts prevailed. Maybe there was something supernatural out there sending me a message, maybe not. At this point it didn't matter any more. I was deeply involved in research.
The Internet was still very small (relatively speaking) at this point, so not much help to me, but I was still a student at the University and had access to the library and their network. I was working as a paid intern, which meant I was a huge tax write off and they didn't have much work for me to do, so I had a lot of time to read.
I spent the better part of 6 months looking into the question "Is there a god, or more than one, and if so, does he/she/it interact with people, and if so, how?" Maybe kind of cliche', being the same question mankind has been trying to answer since we started breathing, but I was determined to answer the question, at least for myself.
As I mentioned, I had experiences with Christianity, at least as it was presented in the Methodist church, but I approached my project like a thesis. I threw out all pre-conceptions and approached my question from a purely academic perspective. I wasn't looking for supernatural proof, I wanted historical proof. I wanted something I could point to and say "If this is true, then this is who God is."
I won't bore you with the details of my research, except to say I left nothing out. Atheism, Scientology, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity etc. etc. Not to mention all the "denominations" or "sects" within each. I was determined to find out if they were all true, none at all true, or if someone really did have an answer.
The first thing I noticed is that, in spite of what many say, they can't all be true. Some point to the blind men looking at an elephant philosophy and say all religions are describing the same thing. But what I found is that they aren't. There are aspects of each that contradict all others. To make matters worse, even when a "group" was all talking about the same thing, they still couldn't agree. (Muslims and Shi'ites within Islam, for example.)
To make a long story short, one thing finally caught me.
Peter the Apostle was a fisherman. He was with Jesus the last few years of His life, so he knew who He was. Later, after Jesus died, Peter was a leader of the group that would eventually become "the church". Eventually he was arrested and executed for being a "Christian". If Jesus was not who Peter claimed He was, then how did a fisherman become a preacher, and then a martyr? If it was all fake, then all Peter had to do was say so, and he would have lived. People often die for things they believe to be true, but how many people do you know will die a horrible painful death (crucifixion, in Peter's case upside-down) for something the KNOW to be a LIE?
This got me looking deeper. From a small, scared, little group in the first century, Christianity eventually grew to the point where the ruling power of the known world, the Roman Empire, was turned upside-down, going from "pagan" to "Christian". This without the use of sword and spear, only words and actions. (Yes, later, many horrible things were done in the name of Christianity, but I'm talking about before the corruption, power-hunger, and brutality of the church in the middle ages and later.)
This, by itself doesn't prove anything, but it was enough for me to think "Ok, there's SOMETHING to this Jesus." This got me reading the Bible. If Jesus' words and actions could turn a fisherman into a preacher and overthrow the religion of the most powerful Empire in the world, I needed to know what they were.
The Jesus I found in the Bible was nothing like I had learned about in the Methodist church, or anywhere else for that matter. His teachings, and those of His followers who wrote about what He said and taught, were not about power and politics, they were about love, peace, and forgiveness. And while he performed miracles, they weren't acts that gave him power and prestige, they were acts of healing and kindness. Often He told people not to tell what he had done rather than sending them out to tell how powerful He was. Even though those in power were nervous about what He could do, He didn't do that. He went to the poor, the sick, and the lowest rungs of societies ladder, hookers and tax collectors. I saw what Peter saw, I saw how His words could drive a man to die that way, and cause others to change the world.
Which brings me to November 9, 1999. Peter's first recorded sermon is in the Bible in the book of Acts. After hearing it, and learning who Jesus was, those gathered around asked "What shall we do?" Peter responded "Repent and be baptized...". So, during the church service, in front of my mother and my friends at the church, I did just that.
I've been a "follower of Christ" for 10 years. (I avoid the word "Christian" with those outside the church because it has lost all the meaning it used to have.) I won't lie to you and say that "from the moment I was baptized all has been right with the world! It's all lollipops and roses!" In fact the opposite is true. I've still gone through more jobs than I care to mention, my marriage has had some rough times, my kids are typical kids who have typical problems and get into typical troubles, and now I am facing an unknown illness that has left me disabled. I'm not even going to claim that I have some sort of "inner peace because I got Jesus."
What I do have is faith. Faith that "...God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."
And if I'm wrong about that? Then at least my faith has caused me to live at peace with those around me, to help those in pain and in need, allowed me to meet some awesome, loving people, and made me appreciate what I have and given me peace to live without what I don't. Not everyone finds that.
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So that's my story. I hope it wasn't too preachy, that wasn't my intent. I just wanted to share a little history. Hope it was worth the read.
