Dear family/friends/acquaintances/random people I barely know,
Well, it's Hanukkah/Winter Solstice/Christmas/Kwanzaa/Weasel Stomping Day again. I thought I'd take a moment/hour/day and a half/7 brain wracking days to write to you and let you know how we're doing/brag about my kids/lie about my job/give the impression we're a nice normal family.
This year we (fill in the blank) and (tell a lie about doing something exciting) all the while (make your job sound like more than playing solitaire) and (avoid mentioning that time you were arrested).
We hope that you are doing well/doing worse than we are/rotting in he**/still a violent drunk so I look like the "good" relative. We hope you have a joyous and merry Hanukkah/Winter Solstice/Christmas/Kwanzaa/Weasel Stomping Day.
Love,
Us
