Well, we had to cancel our vacation plans. We were really hoping to get back to the midwest. Doesn't look like that's going to happen. I've had two
people quit in the last 24 hours. I have someone who I will be bringing on staff, but can't do it fast enough to cover for everyone. I think it will
be better when it's all said and done, but the stress is getting there.
Do I talk to much about work? I really love my job, but it is a lot of stress. They did change my hours, though. I don't have to work as much. I go
in later and and come home earlier. That's a good thing, I guess.
Been reading a really good book. It's called "Generation Ex". It's written for adult children of divorce. It's really helping me understand a lot
of things.... Things that I didn't even realize that I was doing, behaviors and personality traits that I didn't even realize I had, much less knew
why I had them. I forgave my father a long time ago, but I haven't forgiven his new family for taking him away. Even after I tried to reconnect with
him, there was always this wedge - and his new family just kept driving it deeper until he felt like I had deserted him. It wasn't on my end. Now he's
gone and I can't tell him that I see it clearly now. Why do I keep myself to distant from others? Why do I prefer to be alone, even though I'm married
with a large family? Why is it easier to talk to an impersonal computer screen than on the phone or in person? Because that's the reality I created
for myself when my true reality became unstable. Even though it's been more than 20 years, there's still a part of me that's grieving the death of my
family, the loss of my home, and the lack of "normalness" that we never really had anyway.
In the book, the author talks about redefining family and home. My true home is Heaven. My real family is God's Family (though I still need to take
care not to isolate myself from my earthly family). So, here I am, 36 and screwed up - let myself be screwed up - but I understand what it is that's
screwed up. Maybe there's something in there that I can use to talk with my brother. As much as I am messed up, I always had some faith to keep me
relatively sane. Lee, however, never had that. While he needs to take some responsibility for what he's become, he needs to look inside and understand
what's made him the way he is. He needs to find forgiveness, for himself and for others. He needs to see that he's repeating the pattern in his own
life and his own kids. He doesn't know he's doing it.
